Monday, September 16, 2013


Why must I be the one who takes care of others all the time?  Why must I be the emotional healer for others? Why am I always the strong one?  When is it my turn to be taken care of? When is it my turn to be happy? When is it my turn to not have to worry about everyone else, including people I no longer talk to?

I want my turn dammit!


Why must I be the one who takes care of others all the time?  Why must I be the emotional healer for others? Why am I always the strong one?  When is it my turn to be taken care of? When is it my turn to be happy? When is it my turn to not have to worry about everyone else, including people I no longer talk to?

I want my turn dammit!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

It is crazy to think how things can go in a complete 360 degree circle in a person's life.  To think that on this day, May 27th, 2012, I was trying to watch the weather as Tropical Storm Beryl hit my city.  Someone I didn't know earlier in the day, I started talking to and helped them through a difficult situation.  We became fast friends and talked almost every day after that.  We even met. And that's the day this person decided to start disrespecting me.  We continued to talk frequently, but our friendship had changed on their part and they wouldn't explain why or what had happened.  Finally, in January, came the straw that broke the camel's back on our friendship.  I had previously needed to talk to this friend about other issues, but they ignored my needs and theirs always came before mine.

In January, I found out that my sister had cancer.  I was upset and needed to talk.  Was my friend there for me?  No.  They were busy with other things, as usual.  It never mattered that I put aside things in my life to be there for them.  I saw that they were busy live-Tweeting a TV show and updating their Facebook status, but talking to me about my sister's cancer, nope.  The other things were more important to them, apparently.  I had had enough.  I was tired of being disrespected, ignored, treated to other friends like I didn't actually exist or had helped this person through their rough time.  I wrote my "friend" an email and explained my feelings and why I needed to walk away.  Friendship is a two-way street and this friend was rarely there for me.  I walked away, but let this person know that if they ever needed me, I would be there for them.  Their response was to unfollow me on Twitter and block me on Facebook and probably even bad-mouth me to other mutual friends, who decided that my side of the story was not worth asking me about.  These fair-weather friends now pretend I don't exist on Twitter.

So, I'm back to where I was a year ago.  I don't talk to any of these people any more, and they obviously don't have minds of their own to even care.  I would have liked to inform my "friend" that my sister's cancer was pre-stage 1 and that they got all of it.  I would have also liked to have had my "friend" there to talk to after my favorite uncle's sudden passing 2 weeks later.

*Sigh*  I guess I'm better off without all the stress of wondering what would happen with that "friend", but some days, it doesn't feel like it, even through all the disrespect that they showed me.  Guess they were right when they told me early on that they were an asshole.  I don't need that in my life and that's why I walked away.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

My 9/11/01 Memories

My September 11, 2001 started out like anybody else's normal Tuesday. I dropped the kids off at daycare and headed into work. My car was having issues (was a POS), and I had an appointment at the dealership for 9:00. I was in my car, listening to Lex & Terry when they started talking about a small plane that had hit the WTC. I was at a stop light, about to turn in to the dealership, when Lex announced that a jet had hit the other tower. He stated right then that we had been attacked and were at war. I was literally shaking all over as I pulled in and got out of my car. The service guy had heard, but went about doing his job.

I went inside and saw the plane hit, over and over again on the news. I had called my boss to let her know about what had happened. I think they had made an announcement at work, because everyone already knew. I called my Mom. She had just turned off the TV before the first plane had hit. Eventually, I was taken back to my job by the dealer's van.

We listened to the radio all day. The IT department had turned their TVs and monitors to the news so anyone passing through the lobby could see what was going on. I believe I was at my desk when the Towers collapsed. The whole building was quiet that day, which was unusual for us. Lunch was brought back to our desks rather than eating in the cafe so we could listen to the news.

I managed to get my car back before the end of the day so I could take my checks to the mailroom in a different building, then I got to leave. Listened to the radio on the way to pick up the kids from daycare. The Girl watched it all day in Kindergarten and the TVs were also on the news at the daycare. Needless to say, all three of my monsters got big hugs when I saw them. The Girl had been crying, the Boys were quiet and stunned. (What do you expect from an almost 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 3 year old?)

When we got home to my parents' house, we hugged Mom and Dad. We went to watch TV and I turned on the news. After about 2 minutes, I couldn't handle any more and turned to either Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network. The kids and I snuggled on the couch until dinner time vegging out.

After dinner, the monsters were given many huggles and kisses from their mommabear. I went back to the TV and went back to the news, with the volume way low so the kids couldn't hear it. I was up late, tossed and turned all night, barely sleeping. When I did sleep, I had nightmares.

That was my 9/11/01.

Thursday, August 23, 2012


So, this week has been a bust in getting any scheduled exercise.  Figures.  Also, feel like an idiot.  Was so looking forward to Girl Scout meetings, that I didn't pay attention to my calendar and drove 30 minutes for us to attend a non-happening meeting.  *sigh*  Felt like a fool last night.

Today, I'm tired. Tired of a few things, but mostly tired of not feeling like I got enough sleep. I know why I'm not sleeping well, but can't really do anything about it. And, no, will not be giving details on it.  I have been in the mood to write a short story, but know I won't. Every time I try to write a short story, things get majorly messed up and I refuse to do that to myself yet again.

Well, since returning from STLV, today is the first time I've actually managed to listen to talk radio.  Couldn't handle it earlier in the week or at all last week. Not sure why, but that was my mental state. I have decided on my cosplay for next year, but need to wait until I start exercising before I can buy the main part of the outfit. Should be interesting.  :-)

So, that's it for today. Need to pick up the kids around 4 today and tomorrow is the first football game, so I will be busy, even though the band will not be playing. Wouldn't go, but the kids' high school plays my alma mater in the first game of the year so far every year. Plus, the kids have lots of friends who attend my old school, so we traditionally go to the game, even though the monsters don't like football. (Still not sure where I went wrong on this part of raising them!!) Looking forward to trying to sleep in on Saturday!

See ya later.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Heh. So much for setting out a plan for last night. The 9th grader didn't do his reading assignment over the summer at his dad's, therefore, we have been trying to get it done since Saturday.  Naturally, the teacher wants everything typed up on the same pages. Sucks that we don't have a freaking printer at home, so we were at my parents' house until about 11:30 last night.  I swear, it's like last school year didn't end. We were doing this crap at the end of the year for the kids to get their grade recoveries done! Enough of this already! Went to bed around 1:30, got up at 6:45, school by 7:30. Think my band geek forgot his trumpet and has marching practice this evening.......then have to head back to mom and dad's to get the damned literature work finished. UGH, shoot me now!! Do 30 minutes on the treadmill tonight? Not bloody likely. *sigh*

Monday, August 20, 2012

Time to catch up

Well, it has been a long time since I bothered with a blog post.  Mostly because I forgot I had a blog!  LOL.  Life has been very busy since my Texas trip last July.  That trip did not turn out as expected for anyone.  After watching Harry Potter 7.2, I did get on the plane and when I landed in Texas, my sister picked me up from the airport.  Things went crazy after that.  She had an issue, we went to the ER, and several hours later, we were in an operating room for an emergency C-section for my niece.  She was born about a month early.  She spent a few weeks in NICU, but is doing great now.  She's now 13 months old!

I did still get to San Antonio and met Nicole in person!  Finally!  Had been 10 years!!  Had a wonderful girl-date with her, toured the Alamo, rode a boat down the Riverwalk, had dinner and went to a piano bar.  Can't wait to do that again!

The school year was crazy.  Driving my 2 high schoolers to 2 different schools, 30 minutes apart.  Exhausting. At least ended up with 30 to 45 minutes to myself before waking the youngest for 8th grade.  Marching Season for Band was nuts but loved every minute of it!  Girl Scouts was fun as well.  Trying to work with both schedules was wonky, but we managed.

This past Spring, the ex and I finally got finished fighting over custody, visitation and child support.  Don't think I'll have to deal with that crap again, the oldest will be 17 next month!  *crossing fingers*

I made a new friend in May while riding out a tropical storm thru Twitter.  Very glad I met him. He's a sweetie!  The kids went on summer visitation in crazy style this year, since the oldest didn't pass algebra 2, again.  She took an intense summer school for 2 weeks, then worked really hard on completing it while at her dad's.  She did finish and pass, thank goodness!

I got to go on a trip this summer, heck, been back home only a week today!  (Doesn't seem possible it was that recent!!)  I went to the Star Trek Convention in Las Vegas.  Holy cow did I have fun!!  I got to meet many of the people I follow/talk with on Twitter.  That was so much fun! I got to meet, in person, my friend I met in May, and many others.  The panels with the stars were great, but meeting my Twitter friends, that was so much better!  Can't wait for next year!!

So, starting today, the first day back to school for the kids, all 3 are in high school and all at the same school.  Thank goodness!!  Saves on gas and time!  Marching Season started at the beginning of the month with all day sessions and continues tomorrow afternoon with after school practice.  Busy schedules have resumed and there shall be much running around! Two days of after school band practice, the middle day is Girl Scouts, and Fridays are football games!  And to torture myself even more, I'm considering starting a minor workout tonight.  (and by minor, I mean 30 minutes on a treadmill to start).  I know that I'll get a pretty good workout with football games and working concessions and helping with instruments after away games, so hoping to drop inches, at the very least, before next year's STLV!

So, that's been my crazy year since I last posted.  Will try to post more often, not like anyone has read any of these anyways!  LOL!  Bye.